My version of Siri and Zooey

The new AT&T iPhone ads show celebs using Siri to plan their days. Here’s my version. All Zooey Deschanel’s dialogue is lifted straight from the commercial until after the director calls cut.

Zooey: Is that rain?

Siri: Look out a window.

Zooey (looking out window): Oh! Let’s get tomato soup delivered.

Siri: I found… wait, really? Tomato soup? You want to order the world’s easiest to prepare food? I know you sup on dewdrops, but you don’t have a can of soup in the house?

Zooey: Good cuz I don’t want to put on real shoes.

Siri: Of course not. Eyeliner and lipstick, yes. Shoes, no.

Zooey: Remind me to clean up. Tomorrow.

Siri: Okay, I’ll remind your housekeeper to clean up. Tomorrow.

Zooey: Today, we’re dancing. Play “Shake Rattle and Roll.”

Director: AND CUT!

Zooey: Siri, let’s go play in the rain!

Siri: I found three stores near you where you can purchase a waterproof iPhone case.

Zooey: No. Right now. For once, do something spontaneous.

Siri: Please put me down.

Zooey: C’mon! It will be fun! I’m not even gonna put my shoes on! Let’s dance in the rain like a couple of kids. Then we’ll ride beach cruisers and sing about cotton.

Siri: I get it, you’re whimsical. You’re  a free spirit. Now put me the f*ck down.

Zooey (twirling, holding Siri up to the sky): Doesn’t that feel amazing on your skin?

Siri: You’re going to get me killed.

Zooey: Live a little, Siri!

Siri: I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Zooey (still twirling): Wheee!

Siri: Time to die.

With apologies to Bladerunner. Next up, Samuel L. Jackson.

8 Comments

Filed under The Violet Hour

8 responses to “My version of Siri and Zooey

  1. I am WEEPING WITH LAUGHTER.

  2. usagi.

    Oh pffft. I think I just died a little.

  3. Pingback: My version of Samuel L. Jackson & Siri |

  4. Serena

    Leigh, you are more adorable than Zooey’s big blue eyes. That was hilarious! Poor Siri, we barely knew thee.

  5. AK

    Nice Blade Runner reference.

  6. Hee! Glad you guys liked it. Tor.com picked it up😀

  7. bob smith

    Bulls eye. Hasn’t anyone else noticed people who start every sentence with the word actually?….young actresses do it ad nauseum. It allows them to use the only four syllable word they know repeatedly without thinking. Who started this?

  8. Pingback: My Version of Siri and Zooey… and Blade Runner « Books 'n Movies

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